Thursday, January 6, 2011

no pun to long island

How to Recognize a Guido

  1. Blowout haircut, permanently heavily gelled, which makes them look like Vegeta or Goku. All they need is some peroxide and they'll be Super Saiyan. Touching their hair will not only throw them into a blind rage, but also leave you wiping off gel for at least 5 minutes.
  2. Diamond earrings and other absurdly priced designer jewelery. Used to attract other men.
  3. Tanned to the point of almost being black.
  4. Tight shirts to show off their steroid induced muscles.
  5. A cross around their neck (probably also with diamonds). All guidos are very religious. If this isn't enough proof that they're a religious bunch, notice their excessive cursing, drinking, and swallowing of huge dicks.
  6. When someone is about to take a picture of a guido, they automatically tilt their head and make a kissy face. They don't do this on purpose, it's a natural reaction to the camera. Only 2-3 guidos in the history of time have been exceptions to this rule. Experts suggest that they may have been part of a top secret experiment trying to turn them back into normal humans. (Efforts to reintegrate these douchebags to society have been a complete failure since and scientists are now considering mass extermination as one of the few viable options of fixin the problem that are guidos once and for all.)
  7. Doing some retarded mating dance to attract guidettes. The dance is named obviously Guido Frolic which is most likely paired with shitty "Italian" techno music.
  8. Uncontrollable Fist-pumping

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